Surrender

As I am getting deeper and deeper into my Bible Study I am realizing I think I am doing it all wrong - I am doing the study and trying to get all I can from it.... but I feel like I am not getting everything I can....

Dont get me wrong - I am already seeing changes in my life. I have far more joy than I have had in the past year. I can feel the changes in my spirit and I am enjoying life. However, I want more. I want that deep relationship - I pray, kind of, Alot of the time I feel like I am saying rehearsed lines. Like I am just saying what I am suppose to. I want to feel like I am actually talking to my Lord. Like he is talking back to me.

I am getting back into the dating world and I want to know if I am going in his direction. That he is leading me that I am not just running the race heading right back to all that has been. I sometimes have these what if's about dating that me as a person would say no to this situation everytime. Is that God telling me no - or is that me seeing things through worldly eyes.

I pray that he give me the word - I want to hear when something is not of him. I feel like something in my spirit is trapped that keeps me from hearing the wispers!!

Lord through all of this I want to surrender my entire self to you. My work, my friends, my love life or lack there of. I give you my love for those close to me - that you may love them so much more than I can. That you will take each of them and protect them and keep them wrapped in your arms. Give them strength - JOY - and feel your love in a real way. Take their fear - and insecurities!